The fall
by VigilanteJarri
Summary: A young digidestined deals with being unintentionaly shunned by her own father and a load of other shit happening in her life. Self harm. Don't harm guys, it's a trap you can't fall into just once. Trigger warning!
1. Chapter 1-Contemplating

'He is a poof' my dads brown haired foregin girlfriend said as a slightly camp man spoke on the TV screen.

'Puff' I corrected 'you mean puff'

'Like e...a bit gay'

'yeah puff'

'I don't like him'

'OK, as long as you don't have anything against gays in general I wouldn't stand for that.' My dad looked at me with a disappointed expression ' hey everyone is entitled to their own opinion' even about that I thought, are you serious. I walked into the kitchen both to take out my diner plate and calm down. 'Everyone's entitled to their own sexual orientation aswell y' know' I said as I washed my hands. I went back into the living room and sat beside my open laptop for a few seconds. I sent a text to my friend Sabastian about what just happened, I think my dad likes to forget that I myself have had a girlfriend and when I mention that a lot of my friends aren't strait he says their to young. I hate when people say that but say a person is old enough to have a relationship with the opposite sex, what about equality. I wish I could talk to my friends Lian and Beth, they were straight but accepted me as did pretty much everyone in my year, and many in other years. Next best thing I searched my friend's YouTube channel, if I couldn't talk to him I could at least watch Lian's work, even if I wasn't a fan of video game montages it was something. After a while I picked up my laptop to take upstairs and do a bit of boxercise to Evenessence. After a few songs my thoughts went to the pocket knife I kept on my bedside table. i sat on my bed and lightly brushed my fingertips against my inner arm near the crook of my elbow. My thoughts drifted to the last time I'de had these thoughts, over a year ago when I had put up with three years of building tension as my relationship with my mother fell apart. The reason I didn't do it then was because I didn't know how to hide it, I knew now, I could do it. Unsheathing the blade I looked for the small first aid kit I kept in my room, it was hard to find and took about five minuets. I walked back and looked back at the blade, I opened the first aid kit and took out the plaster capsule; I took one out, just a small nic for my first, Turnaquet was playing on my computer, ' how fitting, my god my turnaquet' I sang. I stopped, 'your being stupid' _coward_ I ignored the voice in the back of my head and put the blade back, returning it and the first aid kit to its original spot. I got up and put My Immortal on to resume boxing. Jab, jab, right, left, right hook, left hook, knee, knee, uppercut, uppercut. My eyes went back to the knife, no I moved it out of sight and continued shadow boxing. I went three years with worse than this, I pride myself on my mental strength for not resorting to that, the day I cut is the day I loose that.

I thought about contacting Kaemon but decided against it.

And now I'm on my computer writing a fanfic and wondering if the reader will put two and two together and realise were I got the idea.

Some of you might think I slipped Kaemon in hear just so I could put it in the digimon category and you're right but I actually thought of contacting my spirit animal Kalumae there.


	2. Chapter 2-Doing

' _Another day, another casualty but that won't happen to me'_

Another fight, I stupidly asked my dad how to ask someone out, only I'm stupid enough to do that. He asked "who is he like",

"she" I corrected.

"No" he said immediately, "no you're to young, it's illegal",

"Is it?" I replied. It's obviously not I thought cause I've had a girlfriend before and so have a lot of my friends.

"Come down stairs" he said as he led me down the stairs into the living room, "how old".

"Year 10" I replied,

"No, it's completely illegal" he said, It's not though is it, I thought, she's only a year younger than me. It's not like I'm planning to do anything with her, just be with her, that ain't illegal besides your 50 odd going out with a 29 year old so you can't talk, I find that discustin' but I don't say anything. I cried for a while then, haha, strike three, first that black beauty fan fic then getting stressed in Chemistry revision now this your fucking soft you I thought to myself. (a/n-Listening to tourniquet again guys)

"We're just going out darl', back in a bit" he's leaving and so is his lass, I went upstairs were my phone was charging. Flicking it on and going to messages I quickly found who I was looking for Ben, my cousin, text. 'Hi mate, is it illegal to by gay bellow age 18 and apparently it would be completely illegal for me to be with a year 10.'

'I'm not a lawyer but I seriously doubt it, and it's not going to be illegal just to be with anyone. Are you guys arguing about it? How come?'

I told him who i wanted to confess my feelings too.

'That's allright that like...(#sarcasm) You okay or nah?'

'I'll be fine, just gotta wait a few years, can't do much when I'm 18'

A few minuets later my friend Danielle called saying they were down the park near Wok Inn, what the hell, I need to get out. I rode down there quick smart, my friends Danielle, Mia, Mikey, Beth, my ex Katie and her girlfriend Laura were there. Hi guys. That was fun, the highest skate ramp was really slippy so it took three tries for me to get up, but I found out there that the person I had a crush on was with another of my best friends who is a year 11 may I add. I told them some of the situation, my dad not letting me have a girlfriend till I was 18. Later we sat on the middle ramp, I was laid back with my head on my arms, my cap over my eyes and my legs dangling over the edge. The couple were just behind me, I was happy for them of course and I hope they stay together happily but it still hurts a bit. I laughed at myself thinking I had any chance I just have no luck with relationships, maybe I should just stop trying, I probably will in a bit. They were hugging and so were Katie and Laura a few meters away, I'de never been that close with Katie, I'm over her though. I layed and cried silently, I hate myself, how frickin' weak I am why should anyone want me, I laughed at myself some more.

That night the events of the day and my own self hate tormented me, I opened my eyes and there was the knife were I had left it. I unsheathed it again, wouldn't I be loosing my strength if I do this I thought, I wrote that. It doesn't matter, pulling up the leg of my PJ's I pressed the knife blade against my ankle, it was harder than I expected, it hardly bled, it was just a small stinging line quite disappointing really. I fell asleep afterwards.

 **A/N- The events mentioned in this fic are not the only things that led to my fall, they are only the tip of the iceberge guys, the next chapter is me being stupid and delusional, be sensible, if you are in danger leave now and get help. I have anxiety, have nightmares about my past and have friends who harm, this contributes to me being depressed. And yet i'm one of the weak ones, there are others with far worse lives, be strong guys, you can fight. The last chapter will be my promise to stop along with a fellow self harmer who's job will be harder than mine as they have been doing it longer.**


	3. Chapter 3-Falling and hiding

It was a couple of days later, the torment continued, at least the part about my dad did, I'm happy for my friends. If you love them you gotta let 'em go after all.

I decided to go down to the skatie with my friend Elijah, I ran to the top of the highest ramp again, I planned to revise Physics for my final the day after, as I was getting down I swung around the railings on the side to lower myself down but slipped and scraped my arm.

Later that night the thoughts continued, almost absent mindedly I reached around to my arm just bellow the elbow and began scratching, the experience wasn't disappointing this time. It was weird like my own little storm cloud above my arm, sparking tingling bolts of electricity at my arm, and it hardly bled at all. This has to be the last time otherwise it'll become a problem, for now, know one needs to know. I think I might need to get rid of the trigger, the knife, I should give it to someone or something, but I can't, to many of my mates harm, it wouldn't be safe for them. Ben's the next best option but I don't want to drag him into it, I'll tell him only if it becomes a problem.

Two days later my dad noticed but I told him I scraped it on the floor when I fell from the skatie, "nice ain't it", it was scabbed over and looked like a cigarette burn at this point.

"well I wouldn't say that", scratches sting for a lot longer than a day, in still stings a bit, a week later if it touches something also the scabs can come off easily and they scar very easily in my minor experience and by what I've heard.


	4. Chapter 4- Confessions and Promises

Phisics, that's the final exam, leaving school tomorrow, leaving school tomorrow, yeah.

(a/n listening to welcome to the club, feelin' lot better now just finishin' the story) "Hey Ellie, um... can I talk to y' about somethin'"

"sure"

"well" I shuffled closer and lowered my voice "do you remember ages ago when we had a talk about self harm"

"oh no you didn't did you" I nodded nervously and showed her a little circle of removed skin.

"Do you still?" I asked, she rolled up her sleeve to chow me the scratches on her arm. "I thought of telling Ben but he would probably kill me or at least yell" (a/n My cousin, we're real close, he isn't violent just I think he'd be really angry at to that news.)

"Please don't do it again" she said with a pleading tone.

"Will you do the same?" I asked she nodded. "Lets promise each other".

"I promise" she said, I nodded. We hugged as the bell rang and we were dismissed from revision.

A/N Hi guys sorry this chapter is so much shorter, this happened over 11 weeks ago so I can't remember it in much detail. I've kept my promise and it's a good thing I did make that promise as it's stopped me a few times over the last 11 weeks. Ben's girlfriend is the only other person I've told at this point, she didn't need to know though really. My advice to others is be careful who you tell or it could make you feel guilty. Parents, the most trusted friend or a councellor. Though it probably varies for you, just think carefully **. But do tell someone, a councellor is always a reliable bet and I would advise it if your self harming.**


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